Posted on December 1, 2011


Tomorrow is mid-program evaluation and I my bpm has gradually risen over the past week.  A month ago, the test was so far off that I knew it would never come.  Two weeks ago, I watched the students around me freaking out and studying everything front to back and then back to front again.  I felt “Why is everyone freaking out about this?  It doesn’t seem so hard.  Should I be more concerned?”  A week ago, it started sinking in.  I’ve become increasingly concerned and today I will be grabbing the knowledge by the fistfuls and packing it into my skull.

Two little guys have been sitting on my shoulders, telling me things.  One lounges back against the curvature of my neck and casually peels an apple with a paring knife.  He tells me that I will do fine.  That there is nothing to worry about.  He cuts the now peeled apple and lackadaisically pops a piece into his mouth.  He tells me I am smart and have gotten through all my classes just fine and he’s sure less knowledgeable people have made it through the mid-program.   This will be cake, as it’s nothing that I don’t already know.  Besides, the written part is all multiple choice.  He shoots a confident smile my way.

The other guy sits forward on my opposite shoulder, anxiously.  He warns me that if I do not pass, I will be held back an additional 6 months.  He says “Yeah, sure, there’s multiple choice, but they can be tricky with those.”  He abruptly stands, slaps me and demands to know why I don’t know the laws by rote.  He yells at me accusingly, telling me I should have been practising all this time.  He showers me with spit as he scolds me.  His breath smells of garlicky chili.  He threatens that if I don’t pass, I will be stuck taking it again with those people.  He is a rather mean little bugger.  He slaps me again for not drilling the vocabulary into my head.

I hear from both of them back and forth.  They both have valid points. … I’m gon’ go ‘head and get to studying though.  That one dude is scary; I don’t want him to kill me in my sleep.

Posted in: School