Getting the Green Back

Posted on October 9, 2011

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Last night we got hit with a booming, blinding reset button.  I forgot the beat all, end all, hell-bringing, spine-tingling, run-home-crying-to-your-mother type of storms were possible anymore.  Lightning that lit up the whole apartment; thunder that shook me to the core.  And the rain, it was coming down in waves.  Had my own little river running just outside the back door.  Now, as I look out the window: peace.  The rain has paused, perhaps finished for the day, and I look.  And I see serenity.  I see the freshness.  I see hope.  I see new beginnings.  Renewing the life outside, giving its green back where there was painted brown for so long.  And I feel the same hope, peace, freshness… renewing.

Trying to keep my head above water over the past year has been a difficult task.  But I follow the wise advice of one very clever fish, who said, “Just keep swimming.”  I’m trying to relearn how to live life, how to love life, how to receive the gifts that are waiting for me every day, and how to appreciate everything I see, have, and am given.  I’m trying to relearn how to be at peace and be content with myself.  I want to be the better person that I see in my inspirations.

I am so afraid of the landslide.  I’m afraid of falling back down after my ascent this far.  I battle with the little voice that tells me mean things and hope every day that I can push past it.

I have heroes that I aspire to emulate.  Ones that seem to have the peace and soul that I wish for.  And they lift me up, whether they realise it or not.  Recently, I had the opportunity of meeting one that I never had met in person before.  I had been following her blog for a little while and with every post, I came from it inspired and up built.  Then one night, by chance, she had come into town with her husband whose band was playing at a show I went to see.  I saw a familiar-looking blonde up onstage before the set, and thought: “Is it? Could that be…?”  I stuck that nugget in the back of my head and enjoyed the show.  After the show, I was surprised to see that it was indeed she, and I just had to approach her and tell her how much I appreciated her.  She was gracious and I was glad.  Not that I’d expect anything else; her writing proves her a sweetheart. … It was a surreal experience.  The energy in her presence was greater than I could have expected, and I came from that interaction so much more inspired than by her blog posts.  Thinking back to that night, however, I totally have to *face palm*, because I think I was a little star struck (despite my best efforts of “playing it cool”).  And I’m even embarrassed to admit it now.  But there it is: I was star-struck by a blogger.  *blush*  I’m hoping she saw past the awkward fangirl, because having another chat sometime would be cool.

Anyway, my point in going into that was she had asked me if I blog.  And no, I don’t.  But I had been wanting to give it a go for a while.  It may help me with my aspirations.  At the very least, it’ll get some of this mess form my head and perhaps give it some green.  So yeah, inadvertently, she’s inspired me to start my own bit of blogginess.  A bit of blogginess that may or may not continue.  And we’re not counting on it being frequent or regular.  But hey, that’s the beauty of the blog, right? I can make my own rules.

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Posted in: Life